A New One.

I'm so incredibly tired. At around 4am I was thinking how remarkably awake I was. Then by 4.30am I can barely keep my eyes open. But I cornered the volunteer who sleeps in this house when she woke up and she says the unknown kid that's fast asleep in room 4 is a new girl, an there's another girl arriving today. From what I've seen peeking out from under the covers, this new girl might well become one of mine...I should find out her name!

SURPRISE! You have night-shift!

The last 4 nights (tonight being the 4th) Sarah has had nightshift. But when I say Sarah, I sort of mean me! Sarah was supposed to do night shift on Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday night. Instead, I did night shift Sarturday, Sunday and Tuesday night. The weekend shift was arranged: I wanted to work nights in the holidays (we're now in 3 weeks of holiday) as I've been doing some form of dayshift since the summer (December) hols and I wanted a change. Although I mentioned this to the volunteer who organises the shifts, I had to be put on day shift for whatever reason, but my manager owed me a MASSIVE favour so she was persuaded to turn a blind eye to me and Sarah swapping shifts, she worked 2 of my day shifts on Sat and Sun and I worked 2 of her nightshifts-same nights. In theory that was then me off for 18 days cause I haven't taken a holiday this year and I think my hours are getting quite high! However Sarah is ill so I'm working her shift again-but I don't mind :)

I'm just gonna whack up some drivel I typed up on Saturday night:

So I'm doing another night-shift! Probably the last set of this year. I was supposed to be on day shift today and tomorrow but my manager owed me a massive favour for singing extra songs at our leaving party so I was allowed to swap with Sarah and do 2 night shifts instead (as long as it was OK with Sarah). So I'm sat on a corridor yet again. The holiday shifts this holiday are 12 hours each: so day shift is 7am until 7pm with a 1 hour break and night shift is 7pm til 7am with no break because well, you sit in the corridor for 12 hours watching films.

Because I started at 7pm instead of 9pm all the boys were well awake and technically the CCW finished when I came on shift. Luckily for me, the CCW wanted to watch the film so stayed until it was nearly finished, but I still had to put around 10 teenage boys to bed on my own. Before I came here my Mum told me she thought if anything would have me leave early it would be my inability to ask for help. I am notoriously stubborn and if I every need help, I hardly ever ask for it preferring to struggle on unaided. I know it's ridiculous but I find it very hard to admit when I'm struggling. Since I arrived here I've managed to null this trait to a minimum although only on a professional basis. When I'm working I no longer refuse to ask for help, if I'm confused about something I'll ask and if I'm struggling I'll let my CCW know so she can help me. I'm still totally stubborn in a social or personal setting but it's worked for 19 years so far!

The house I usually work in has children no older that 11 so there is no doubt as to who's in charge (not that it's necessarily me-it's almost always the CCW unless she's on her break, then I have minimal control) but working with the older children is a challenge for me. I strongly dislike working with the older girls, they're very (excuse my language) bitchy and can flip from totally calm to scary quicker than it takes to blink. In fact, just find my post about honey bees and teenage girls it will explain everything (I hope). When I have to work with the older girls I tend to just hope they're in a good mood and try not to anger them. Usually they go to bed on their own at a reasonable hour and if they get out of hand, you just pray you have an active shift leader. The boys is a totally different matter. Maybe it's because the older ones seem so much older, but whenever I've worked with them I usually get forced out of the picture and one of the oldest boys in the house will take charge and order everyone to bed when he feels it's time. It's very difficult for me to let one of the children take charge over me. Not because it doesn't work, because it does. Better that I could ever do it. But it seems so counter-intuitive to me. I'm supposed to be in charge of the kids. I'm the oldest, it's my job. But on the other hand, I'm only just 19, some of the kids are around the same age as me (one of the boys I'm looking after tonight is only 6 days younger than me). I'm also a short-arse. It's hard for me to admit (I have little dog syndrome-I think I'm much taller than I actually am) but I'm only about 162cm (I think) and most of the old older boys are taller than me which counts for a lot around here! 

Yoh! It's quite long.

But tonight I'm in the babies house...YAYYY! Although I arrived at about midnight (when Sarah came into our room and asked if I could cover her) and I seem to have an extra girl! 2 of my girls are here, as well as a sister of one of mine and another happy feet girl, but there's another one who seems to be roughly the same length as mine but I have absolutely no idea who it is...better than losing one though I guess. Unfortunately a lot of them seem to be ill-the littlest baby (a boy just under 2) has a pretty bad cough, as does one of mine. The baby boy woke up a while ago but went back to sleep pretty easily. The debate is still out as to which houses are best to do night-shift in. With the babies there is more to do throughout the night that breaks it up (especially if it's a 12 hour shift) such as nappy changes and the really young ones wake up occasionally. But with the older kids, you don't get to sit on your mattress in your corridor until much later which makes a huge difference because you're only having to entertain yourself for 8 hours instead of 10/12. I suppose tonight is the best shift then: I started at midnight and I have to change nappies/wake kids up. Woohoo!

Gap Yah's and Saving the World.

OK. First off, I don't have facebook-I wasted too much time on it! But I'm getting LOADS of hits from fb and I'm curious who put me up there? I have a feeling it might be next years PT group or something given as the hits from fb are from all round the UK. If anyone knows where the link is, please message me or comment so I can say thanks!

Right, down to business!

So me and another volunteer were sat in the kitchen talking about our expectations before we came out and how they've changed since we've been here. Now I'd had a years worth of experience working with kids before I flew and I think I was pretty realistic on what would be accomplished in a year and the changes I would be able to make. In short, basically none! One or two new volunteers have arrived recently and it interests me how much they see their role as wholly world changing.

Let me get a few things straight:

• You are a volunteer, this is good.
• You are probably going to an institution that has seen many volunteers pass through each year.
• It is highly likely that the kids older than 12 will ignore you.
• No-one will be gushing with emotions that you are there to 'save them'.
• You are a foreigner. You cannot change national ways of life to suit your own. Even if you disagree with them.
• You will have to work HARD to get respect.
• The vision you have in your head of Africa. You know, that desolate mud hut scene with a starving baby gazing deep into the camera, telling you (with his/her eyes) that just £2 a month could feed a family or build a well or whatever...That's TV. It's an advert designed to part you and your money.
• You won't be working with solely black kids. I once heard there are only 5 black kids in my home. The rest are coloured or white. Kids from all ethnicity's can be abused.

You're gonna come out here as a volunteer, which don't get me wrong is great, but you're only here for a year. You have to scale down what you think you can achieve in so little time. And somethings you can't change even if you 'know' your way is better. In South Africa, they like to make things sweet. We find banana in the baked beans, pineapple in our potato salad and a lot of vegetables get cooked with sugar or cinnamon to make them sweeter. You may think of this a totally unhealthy and you might not enjoy the taste but that's because you weren't brought up with those tastes and habits. My kids won't eat pumpkin or sweet potato unless it is literally drowning in sugar. The kitchen cook it in cinnamon then the Tannie pours at least one dessert spoon full of sugar over it.

The home I'm at has an unusual amount of volunteers, around 30 at one given time. And those volunteers are always changing so every academic year there are maybe 50 or more volunteers that pass through. The scheme here has been running for 6 years I think, so the kids have seen hundreds of foreign teenagers come and go. Imagine how that must feel for them, especially if they've become close friends with an old volunteer. The younger kids will probably see you as a new plaything, but the older kids will ignore you at best. At worst, they will try to break you. It's fun for them, like when kids in school tried to make the supply teacher cry, they will do the same to you. If you show them a weakness and they don't like you...well...just try not to break :) Some of the kids might even be older than you. Try asking/telling someone to do something when you are shorter, younger and newer than them. It's also their home. They were here before you and will be here when you leave. They have to be here. You don't. It's hard. 

But if you work hard, show you're worth it and don't mess about you'll be fine! :)

Yet more sickness!

I haven't written for so long, I'm so sorry! I don't even have a good excuse other than laziness!

So what's been happening? Nothing actually! My hand looks much better, it turns out it's much deeper than I first thought and it's going to scar like nothing else but it didn't get infected and (surprise, surprise) I don't have HIV or Hepatitis. But I am sick AGAIN.

Just before Sarah left for her holiday (end of May-she doesn't get back til the 19th of JUNE...I'm so lonely) I had the beginnings of a cough that felt like it could get quite nasty. Most of the children in my house have had a cough that's lasted from 2 weeks to about a month so I just presumed it was that. Last week was my short week so I had Friday, Saturday and Sunday off (although I had to help in the office on Friday). On Friday I didn't feel so brilliant: my lungs felt sore and my cough seemed more persistent but I ignored it thinking it was just getting worse before it got better, plus I had 2 days to sleep it off before I had to work again. However on Saturday I was having trouble taking a proper breath, not to the extent that I couldn't breathe but I couldn't take a big enough breath to cough properly with out my lungs feeling like they were on fire and normal breathing made my lungs ache. I vowed to wait until the next day (Sunday) to see if it had gotten better or worse before I went to the medi-clinic. I did do a quick bit of googling to see what it might be and once I'd ignored all the diagnoses of lung cancer the most probable thing it came up with was Bronchitis, which apparently they just run a whole lot of tests including a chest x-ray but they can't give you medication cause it isn't bacterial so you just have to wait for it to clear.

On Sunday, I woke up to find my breathing much easier and less painful. I went to the kitchen to wait for the girl who had offered to potentially drive me to the medi-clinic and let her know I didn't need to go anymore. I still didn't feel 100%, I felt quite dizzy and spaced out and I had a bit of a headache. When I coughed it felt like my head might explode. I went back to bed and slept for a few more hours. When I woke up again my head was KILLING me. It was so painful! It was manageable if I lay still but the minute I moved it felt like someone was drilling into my skull and pulling my brains out. I promised myself and my room-mate I would go to the medi-clinic in the morning and I texted the volunteer-manager's-assistant-who-is-a-volunteer-himself to let him know I wouldn't be able to working the next day.

Monday I woke up and felt much better! Again! I have a slight headache still, my cough is ever present and when I cough my head still feels like my skull is cracking into a million billion pieces and if I take too deep of a breath it hurts and makes me cough more but I definitely feel more alive than dead!

I feel I should explain why I didn't go to the medi-clinic throughout all of this. Money. I have health insurance or medical aide as it's called here. Project Trust organised it. Now I have nothing against PT, they did the job of getting me out here perfectly-it was somewhat expensive, but I would never have found this place without them, so for that I am grateful. But I'm fairly sure all the volunteers are told before the training that we don't have to worry about paying for medical bills. Because PT is an organisation and they buy(?) the medical aide as such there is a very high excess fee/charge. Now as I'm sure most people know insurance prices goes up the more you claim, so if you get burgled every week, your house insurance would be phenomenally high. Same goes with our medical aide only it doesn't go on us as an individual, it goes for all PT volunteers. Basically we have to rack up £250 for medical bills before we can claim back anything. According to google £250 is R3960.30!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't even know how many times I would have to get Tonsillitis before I hit that limit. I think I would have to be airlifted home before I would be able to claim anything back. When you go to the doctors, there is a basic R500 charge just for seeing someone. Then it's around +R200 for antibiotics and prescription grade painkillers thankfully are +R20. So every time I go to the doctors it costs me R700-R800 depending on what drugs I need. *quickly consults google* that's like £50. I personally think PT should pay any medical costs that aren't covered by the medical aide-apart from injuries sustained from bungee jumping or sky-diving or something, obviously.

So lets end this on a vaguely helpful note: I know there are 2 PT volunteers following this blog and possibly more that are reading sporadically, so to any future PT vols, consider raising extra money and designate it specifically to any medical bills you might have to pay. You might get lucky and not have to go to the doctors at all in your year in which case you have funds for when you get back. But if you need any medical treatment at all, you'll probably be glad for it. I don't usually get sick in England, at most I get a cold once or twice a year, but I've had tonsillitis 3 times in the last 4/5 months and whatever this recent thing was. Sarah got foot and mouth, impetigo and countless other things, she's had to go to the hospital more than 5 times and she's still not hit the limit. This applies to any country as well, not just SA. Also, you'll probably be working with kids. Maybe live with them as well. Nobodies immune system is ninja enough to hold of 150 kids and 30 volunteers from around the globe for a whole year. No one.